Here, I’ve been pottering around on the ‘net looking for pictures of food today and I came across a lovely photo of a hospital burger, fries, and mashed potato with gravy. I thought to myself, well, hospital food seems to be coming up in the world. Burgers? Fries? In a HOSPITAL?

I assume it’s some kind of anti-health campaign which is designed to get more out of the customer’s pocket. Quite a devious ploy if you ask me.

And on the other hand.. Burgers… Fries… in a HOSPITAL! Whoopteedoo!! I’m going be asking for the triple-bypass burger when I go in for my triple bypass. Seriously.

But then I continued my research and found that actually, good meals are very hard to come across in hostpitals, and have been since the ’40′s.

I think there’s plenty of room for improvement but things are getting better. I mean, there’s all sorts of vending machines in hospitals these days. You can always ask the nurse to grab you a few twinkies or, if you’re a good little soldier perhaps they’ll sneak downstairs to the McDonald’s which so many hospitals have nowadays.

Well on with the visual rapery which is… HOSPITAL FOOD!

Plain, portioned, flavorless - yes, it can only be hospital food.

Ahah you see? Fried chicken, dinner roll, chocolate cake... no wonder she's smiling! And all it took was a bout of gout!

It's only hospital food because it didn't qualify as airplane food...

Brown with bleached mouse droppings. Or is it rice? Can you tell the difference when you're hopped up on morphine?

With fourteen grains of pepper, indigestible corn pellets, and something hinting at a digested taco bell meal, we call this one 'Tijuana Surprise'

It's christmas and you're in hospital. The good news is, they are pumping pure oxygen into the room, and your mother is going to help you eat your 'dinner'.

This is what good girls at the Angel Sweet Betty Crocker Sara Lee Catholic Ward get for every single meal.

We see a salad, a bread roll, chicken, rice, greens.. And a girl incapable of operating her fork.

I don't need to describe this hospital meal, you know it's delicious. Everything except what's on the tray.

And the grand finale - HOSPITAL BURGER AND FRIES!!! Someone bring me ketchup and send me to heaven..!

Oh Ladies and Gentry, have I got a treat for you. Here’s ten of the greasiest foods I could find. And I know they’re not the greasiest in the world, in fact, I am sure they’re not. But they have this combination of greasiness, and downright deliciousness that I find irresistable.

Remember kiddies, greasy food is good for you! It helps your arteries to stay in shape, and keeps your bodily processes going. And, fat people are beautiful!

On with the pics!

Greasy food - Burger King. Are you shocked?

Oh Pizza. Thou art a greasy pal.

The humble burger. Grease is what makes it GOOD.

Assorted deep fried delights.

There's a hotdog in there somewhere..

It doesn't matter what it is. It's glistening with grease and therefore - Delicious!

Not so bad, really.

Deep fried balls of fat. What?

I don't know what it is, but I know it tastes GOOOOOOD.

I know, it's not very greasy. But.. I would still stick my head in there and eat everything.

Kristen Cavallari took me out on a date a while ago and I managed to get her to pose in front of my dessert. 

Kristen Cavallari Eats Healthy - You Can Too!

That’s right, it is not hers it’s mine – she ate a plate of steamed greens with a splash of vinegrette on it and that’s all.

Eat healthy, ladies – and you too could look like Kristen.

Now, about the delicious little cakes in front of her – well they were actually really too much for me to handle, I had eaten my way through two gigantic steaks, a caesar salad, some kind of octopus soup, and a cheese plate.