Oh dear. The very idea is ridiculous but don’t let that stop you. Let the utterly disgusting vomit-worthy thing which comes out of the can stop you. It is filthy. It is grotesque. It is depression-era food today.

It is…

Sweet Sue Canned Whole Chicken

And by golly is this one a shocker. 

Not sure how many of you have been privileged enough to smell rotten cat food when it comes out of the can, but for those of you who have – apon opening this canned whole chicken thing, you’ll be transported back to exactly that smell. It smells like someone shovelled dead rodents into a big old blender, heated the result, and fermented it in bile.

This thing is horrid. Here’s the can:

Sweet Sue and her Canned Whole Chicken.

Now, ‘Home style goodness’ to me sounds like I should expect chicken like my mammy used to broil. So I should expect crunchy skin, cruncy bones, and meat which has more in common with leather than mere durability.

And what do I get?

Well let’s read a little something before we open up this can of goodness.

How to massacre your tastebuds, Sweet Sue style

I mean, there’s no level of drunkenness which can make the concept of a whole chicken in a can appealing. 

“Be sure to save the delicious broth.”

Save it from what? How about saving me? Save me from this horrid, stinky, vomit-inducing rotbox!

I note, at this point they’ve used the term ‘delicious’ three times. In fact it’s the only adjective they’ve used. I am really hoping that the smell is part of some kind of conspiracy and in reality it is actually going to taste ‘delicious’.

Sweet Sue is giving birth to alien vomit

Oh look, there’s the ‘delicious broth’ .. it’s that translucent gelly substance which is lubricating the raw hen out of the can. Even dog food isn’t this bad.

A Fully-cooked tinned chicken? Methinks not.

There’s no way this thing is cooked. I wouldn’t trust Sweet Sue as far as I can throw her. And pretty soon I will be throwing her. Up. All over the kitchen floor.

Just look at all that delicious!

Technically edible. But then again, so is compost.

At this point it’s time to serve a piping hot chicken dinner to the local hobos, who certainly will find a lot more positive emotions towards this monstrosity.

I mean really, who came up with the idea?

A bunch of drunks sit around a kitchen at 3 am.

“Anythin to eat?” Drunk One asks.

“I could eat a whole —ing horse!” Drunk Two exclaims.

“You could eat many wh0res you fat f-ck!” Drunk One points out.

Laughter ensues.

“I said horses, nobody mentioned your mom at all!” Drunk Two joshes.

“Hey, guys, I have some tinned tomatoes if you want.” The Host says, diplomatically adjusting the subject.

Drunk One and Drunk Two look at each other after a swig from their glasses, challenging themselves to accept the offer.

“You know what’d be nice? Canned beef.” Drunk One says.

“F-ck that! I would eat a canned horse!” Drunk Two claims, slamming his glass onto the table and spilling the contents slightly.

Some pondering occurs as The Host applies a paper towel to the spillage.

“You know guys,” The Host says, “they put everything in tins these days. What I’d like is tinned meat, ready to eat. And not that Spam stuff.”

Drunk One blinks. His eyebrows waggle as though he’s just been dealt a winning poker hand. “How about a tinned chicken? You know, ready serve? Just open and heat up?”

“By golly, Sue, I think that’s a winner!” Drunk Two says, then dives across the table to express his passion for the concept of poultry in a tin.

And thus… Sweet Sue Canned Whole Chicken was born.

For the next saga.. send me your other disugsting tinned goods, I’ll be sure to try and eat them. email to fatguy [at] mcfats.com (replace [at] with @ and remove spaces).

        

It’s really not a good idea to call yourself a master chilli expert. It’s also not a good idea to base this title on the fact that you burn your guts out every time you eat your own chilli.

It’s an absolutely horrible idea to wake up at 6am with a hankering for chilli, and then proceed to concentrate the power of habanero peppers for several hours in a simmering saucepan. 

Yet there I was, around7am this morning, slippers, robe, and chef’s hat. Standing in the kitchen with two cats rubbing themselves against my ankles, stirring a pot of the most insanely hot chillies in the world. And why?

I wanted to make chilli for breakfast.

So Idid.

MY hot chilli - well, a bit of it

There was only a bit left by the time I decided to make a photo.

Here’s whats in it:

• Tomato paste
• Reduced habanero peppers
• Onion
• Ground pork (beware the ‘flu’, yikes!)
• Salt (not much)
• Brown sugar

That’s it.  

I strongly recommend NOT eating this for breakfast.

        

Ahh look at this delicious and might I add, arty-farty icecream cake. I am not generally a big fan of the sweet stuff but this does look fantastic.

Who wants a slice?

A rose-shaped icecream cake!

        

Recently I had the good fortune to eat a healthy portion of kangaroo steak. Yes, Kangaroo. The gigantic Australian rat thing which bounces around on clown feet. 

And by golly it was surprisingly delicious. It was so rich and meaty that I am baffled as to why we eat cow after discovering this pacific island continent. I mean, really. Kangaroo meat is high in iron, very high in lean protein, low in fat, and really really delicious. It’s like eating a punch in the face made by an entire herd of cows it’s so meaty. 

It can also reliably be eaten raw, and *cough* I tried this. It was gruesome. Don’t do it. I felt like I’d been taken back fify thousand years into a cave on the side of an antelope plain. I felt like tearing into it and smearing blood on my lapel. It was a manly, muscle-ripping, fang-growing experience. My lovely wife took some photos of me and I have hurridly deleted them. 

So back to the Kangaroo steak. Here have a look:

Kangaroo steak. And potatoes.

It could’ve been a little less cooked, I like my meat rather raw, but it was tender, and juicy. I will truly never forget this experience.

And, I will be looking to cooking my own kangaroo steaks in the future, although they’re a bit pricy. They cook just like ordinary steaks, I hear. I didn’t get to speak with the chef this time but the waiter seemed to think they’re like a miraculous cow steak – and I agree.

        

Hi loyal readers! I have not been posting over the last weeks while I finalize my entries for the Great American Barbecue Festival in Kansas this year.

So far I’ve been whipping up batches of four of my favorite rubs, two sauces, and two bastes. I’ve totally gone bananas with a completely experimental rub this year, and so far the results are mixed. I’ve gone for the most exotic (in my opinion) ingredients I could find, which ended up requiring me to travel halfway accross the States just to buy them.

Probably I’ve wasted my time on this because results are not outstanding yet. It depends what the judges are after. My secret plan is that they will be fed up with the same and variations of the same tastes and when they try my completely different flavors they will start to smile.

For a bit of a hint before I get some photos uploaded, here’s a couple of the exotic ingredients I’m going for:

• ‘Twisted Tongues’ – a combination of ground habanero, del arbo, and white pepper.
• Crushed juniper berries
• Nigella seeds
• Sumac
• Smoked black pepper

I won’t reveal any more! The portions are important, too. So far the rub has been quite a shock to the tastebuds, but after a glass of beer it tastes really good. Before a glass of beer, it tastes … hmm.. like there’s a fight going on in the mouth, the taste buds don’t know how to interpret it.

Some modifications might be needed but alas, I press on!

In case you want to battle me, you can signup here http://www.thinkbbq.com/appforms/sauceapp.php

Will try to post pics soon!

        

MSNBC did a piece titled ’19 worst drive-thru foods in America’ and I’m here to set the record straight. These are ninteen of the World’s best drive-thru foods!

The article claims that the fast foods are adding twenty pounds of fat onto your body every year. A complete fabrication. I get fat from all foods, drive-thru or not.

Anyway, on with the items in their list:

Best drink – Sonic Minute Maid Cranberry Juice Slush (“Route 44”–extra large)

Sonic Minute Maid Cranberry Juice Slush

• 616 calories
• 165 g sugars

Best value-menu item – Burger King Spicy Chick’n Crisp Sandwich

Burger King Spicy Chick’n Crisp Sandwich

• 450 calories
• 30 g fat (5 g saturated fat)
• 810 mg sodium

Best Mexican entree – Taco Bell Grilled Stuffed Beef Burrito

Taco Bell Grilled Stuft Beef Burrito

• 680 calories
• 30 g fat (10 g saturated fat)
• 2,120 mg sodium

Best hot sandwich – Sonic Chicken Club TOASTER Sandwich

Sonic Chicken Club TOASTER Sandwich

• 742 calories
• 46 g fat (11 g saturated, 0.5 g trans)
• 1,742 mg sodium

 Start with a fried chicken breast, add bacon, cheese, and mayo, and you’re there. 

Best crispy chicken sandwich – Hardee’s Big Chicken Filet Sandwich

Hardee’s Big Chicken Filet Sandwich

•  800 calories
• 37 g fat (6 g saturated fat)
• 1,890 mg sodium

Hardee’s Monster Thickburger comes in at 1,420 calories, 108 grams of fat.

Best roast beef sandwich – Arby’s Roast Beef and Swiss Market Fresh Sandwich

Arby’s Roast Beef and Swiss Market Fresh Sandwich

•  810 calories
• 42 g fat (13 g saturated fat)
• 1,780 mg sodium

The unwholesome trinity of mayo, Italian sub sauce, and processed Swiss cheese make this sandwich the clear winner in the battle of the beef. The Super Roast Beef replaces mayo with a low-cal spicy pepper sauce and totals 370 fewer calories.

Best drive-thru kids meal – Burger King Kids Double Cheeseburger and Kids Fries with Small Coke

Burger King Kids Double Cheeseburger and Kids Fries

•  950 calories
• 42 g fat (17 g saturated fat, 4.5 g trans fats)
• 1,410 mg sodium

BK’s dubious double burger earns the distinction of being the fattiest meal for an on-the-go kid, with nearly a day’s worth of saturated fat for the average 8-year-old.

Best chicken strips – Dairy Queen 6-Piece Chicken Strip Basket

Dairy Queen 6-Piece Chicken Strip Basket

•  1,270 calories
• 67 g fat (11 g saturated fat)
• 2,910 mg sodium

The strips deliver more grams of fat than four DQ Homestyle Burgers, and nearly 300 more calories than a Large Strawberry CheeseQuake Blizzard.

Best drive-thru breakfast sandwich – Jack in the Box Sausage, Egg & Cheese Biscuit

Jack in the Box Sausage, Egg & Cheese Biscuit

• 740 calories
• 55 g fat (17 g saturated fat)
• 1,430 mg sodium

This one contains nearly a full day’s worth of saturated fat. 

Best side dish – Arby’s Large Mozzarella Sticks

Arby’s Large Mozzarella Sticks

•  849 calories
• 56 g fat (26 g saturated fat)
• 2,730 mg sodium

Best milkshake – McDonald’s Large Triple Thick Chocolate Milkshake

McDonald's Large Triple Thick Chocolate Milkshake

• 1,160 calories
• 27 g fat (16 g saturated fat)
• 168 g sugar
• 510 mg sodium

Best potato side dish – Jack in the Box Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges

Jack in the Box Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges

• 720 calories
• 48 g fat (15 g saturated fat, 12 g trans fats)
• 1,360 mg sodium
• 48 g carbohydrates

Best salad – Chick-fil-A Chick-n-Strips Salad with Buttermilk Ranch Dressing

Chick-fil-A Chick-n-Strips Salad with Buttermilk Ranch Dressing

• 800 calories
• 60 g fat (12 g saturated fat)
• 1,745 mg sodium

Best dessert – Dairy Queen Large Strawberry CheeseQuake Blizzard

Dairy Queen Large Strawberry CheeseQuake Blizzard

• 990 calories
• 39 g fat (24 g saturated fat)
• 114 g sugars

Best fish sandwich – Burger King BIG FISH Sandwich with Tartar Sauce

Burger King BIG FISH Sandwich with Tartar Sauce

•  640 calories
• 32 g fat (5 g saturated fat)
• 1,540 mg sodium

Best cheeseburger – Hardee’s Monster Thickburger

Hardee's Monster Thickburger

• 1,420 calories
• 108 g fat (43 g saturated fat)
• 2,770 mg sodium
• 230 mg cholesterol

This burger is called “Monster” for a reason. It’s got the caloric equivalent of almost 6 McDonald’s hamburgers, the saturated fat equivalent of 43 strips of Oscar Mayer bacon, and the sodium equivalent of 84 saltine crackers. You’ll satisfy nearly an entire day’s worth of calories in one sitting.

Best ‘healthy’ food – Arby’s Roast Turkey and Swiss Market Fresh Sandwich

Arby's Roast Turkey and Swiss Market Fresh Sandwich

•  708 calories
• 29 g fat (8 g saturated fat)
• 1,676 mg sodium

Best grilled chicken – Jack in the Box Chipotle Chicken Ciabatta

Jack in the Box Chipotle Chicken Ciabatta

• 690 calories
• 28 g fat (9 g saturated fat)
• 1,850 mg sodium

Unlike many other fast food restaurants that have made the shift away from trans fats, Jack in the Box’s menu has a number of items with more than 5 grams of the stuff—and some with up to 13 grams of it! Add fries to this sandwich, and you’ll take in three and a half times your daily limit.

Best drive-thru meal in America – Carl’s Jr. Double Six Dollar Burger with Medium Natural Cut Fries and 32 oz Coke

Carl’s Jr. Double Six Dollar Burger

• 2,618 calories
• 144 g fat (51.5 g saturated fat)
• 2,892 mg sodium

 This meal has the caloric equivalent of 13 Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Donuts; the saturated fat equivalent of 52 strips of bacon; and the salt equivalent of seven and a half large orders of McDonald’s French fries!

        

Fired up the Q today, and did beer can chicken on the grill. Filled the smoke box as well, and added some garlic to the dripping tray. I seasoned the bird with mixed herbs and sea salt. It was VERY tasty. I used Creemore Springs lager for the beer.

Beer roasted chicken. The start.

Cooking along quite nicely now...

The result. A lovely glaze, and a delicious meal.

Served with green beans, carrots, mash, and a rich thick gravy

        

Fried Chicken is one of life’s great pleasures. It’s a simple, yet royal, and yet so common food which never fails to satisfy. When a real hit of hunger strikes you, be it on a cold winter’s day or a warm summer afternoon, fried chicken, hot or cold, spicy or savoury, salty or sweet, can be the perfect food.

I’m mostly a fan of crunchy spicy fried chicken, and sometimes the more monosodium glutamate (MSG), the better! Secret herbs and spices are something I go for too, but I never eat KFC cold. It is a sacrilege not to finish the entire bucket while it’s warm. 

A word on reheating fried chicken – don’t.

Fried chicken at a Thai restaurant. Looks like KFC, no?

Fried chicken, asian style, at an American Fried Chicken

Observing the two images above, isn’t it interesting how the restaurants try to cater for the opposite market..

Crispy fried bird

Homemade fried chicken. Note the burning where the batter came free during cooking.

No sauce, so no, it's not heaven.

That wraps it up for the five fried chicken posts. Hope you visit your local K.F.C. outlet soon!

        

Just because it’s still nice to see cute girls eating food. She looks like she’s having trouble comprehending the situation, and I’m sure that if she manages to cut it, she will freak out at the pinkness in the middle. 

But, I bow to her just for trying.

Tiny girl with a HUGE, raw steak.