The Krystal Burger is the worst burger in the world.
In fact, I am offended. This burger is so bad that it makes me angry. You know why? Because it makes a mockery of the very ‘idea’ of a burger.
Look at this abomination:
The Krystal Burger - The World's Worst Burger
Now, I am totally not the kind of person to make fun of things which are deformed, or not made to fit the world’s classifications of beauty. I myself and an overweight, unattractive, disgusting male human being.
But the thing is, this burger has been purposefully sculpted in this way. The creators of the Krystal Burger actually thought this would qualify as a good thing.
Let me break it down for you:
- It’s more bun than burger. Way more. I judge it to be about 80% bread. And this might not have been such a bad thing except:
- The bun is one of those ‘cakey’ sugary, bleachy white things which can sit on the shelf for a week and still be soft. These rolls themselves are a disgrace to the baking world.
- No decoration on the bun. There are no sesame seeds, no poppy seeds, nothing. Just a ‘dime-a-dozen’ bread roll, uniformly shaped, and uniformly cooked. It’s inhuman!
- No cheese. No cheese? Are you kidding? Why not just stab your throat with a chopstick? I can clearly understand the cheeseless burger mob, and it can be great sometimes when there’s no cheese on the burger. But this pile of crap has nothing else on it, so where’s the cheese?
- Perfectly uniform paddy. The paddy fits the exact measurement of the base of the bun. This is like robot food. No soul, nothing human about it. Again, you might as well blend up your food and take it intraveinously.
- Nothing dripping. Were’s the stuff hanging out the sides of it? Nothing. Nothing at all.
- No ketchup – Wow. What a joke. All you get is this ballpark mustard rubbish which has more in common with snot than with the ground seeds of the mustard bush.
- No grease. No grease, therefore, not a burger.
- Square. WHAT THE HELL?!?!
- The thinnest piece of meat which could possible qualify as a paddy. I bet if you hold it up to the light you can see through it.
This is the most disgusting and horrible looking thing I have ever seen.
Krystal – you suck! Someone ought to take a hammer to the eyeballs of whoever invented this piece of utter, utter rubbish.