Just because it’s still nice to see cute girls eating food. She looks like she’s having trouble comprehending the situation, and I’m sure that if she manages to cut it, she will freak out at the pinkness in the middle. 

But, I bow to her just for trying.

Tiny girl with a HUGE, raw steak.

Yes again there’s a nice photo of a girl biting into a juicy steak. Am I revealing something about my darker, hidden fantasies here or what? I don’t know, I usually drool when I see someone eating something delicious, but in this case, I want to wink and grin and pat this kid on the back.

Well done, blond girl, for rejecting society’s trend towards girls eating either nothing, or nothing but fast food. 

Girls should eat more steak, they have a distinct need for a steady iron intake, and beef steak is one of the richest sources. 

Chomp chomp - girls should eat more steak!

Again let me say that ladies, you should be following this example and eating more steak. This is some healthy advice from your friend Fat Phil.

Often when girls eat stuff it’s interesting to watch. It possibly pulls at some strange old caveman instincts within us males. Something like “She can eat a lot, she must be healthy, thus a good candidate to be the mother of my children.” – Ahh it was all so simple back then in the ‘club-her-over-the-head’ days. 

So here’s a photo of a girl tackling a really large steak – and in case you’re wondering – yes she did finish it all.

Grr - the steak is no match for this girl

So again, while this healthy young woman digs into this giant steak, I must point out my confusion here – what is more appealing, the steak, or the woman?

That’s right, damnit. I’m a whopping great fat guy and I like to stuff myself full of things like barbecued ribs. 

Don’t kid yourself, if you were able to digest them without any ill-effects, you too would devour spare ribs like a savage lion for every single meal. I would too. There’s just so much to be said about this wonderful manly food. And it is manly. It evokes the ancient joy of ripping meat from the bone, smearing blood all over one’s face, and crunching, yes crunching, the bones into tiny fragments. 

Since the dawn of time, mankind has been eating ribs. And there’s two perfectly good reasons here:

Slow-cooked ribs

And:

Pork spare ribs

I gotta tell you though – there would be nothing spare about them when I’m done. Every little scrap of meat will be in my belly. The sauce would be all over my face, my fingers, my chest if I’m lucky..

I would love to swim around in a barrel of bbq sauce, biting at grilled bits of pig rib randomly… That would be heaven.

A quick burger lunch. Two burgers, that is. And some fries. What do you make of these little beasts? My immediate impression is that they look really fresh and healthy, for burgers. The fries look like the weak spot here but with a slathering of bbq sauce on them they are going to pass my taste test.

Burger lunch

This is what I’d like to wake up next to each morning, sorry Dorris!

Homemade chips. That’s all they are.  Paper thin potato slices boiled in oil. Sprinkle some salt on them, or barbecue seasoning. 

Homemade chips (crisps in the UK)

They’re easy, just a bit boring to make yourself, when there’s so many chips available at the supermarket which taste even better..!

There is a wonderful invention I’ve stumbled on called the Hamdog. It’s a hotdog where the frankfurt is deep friend inside a beef patty.

This baby is slathered with chilli and onions, with a slice of cheese melted over the top, and served on a hoagie bun. Oh and I didn’t forget the fried egg on top, too.

Check it out:

The illustrious Hamdog

I know, I know. More about burgers. Well, I like them. 

But In’N'Out burger is going a little bit too far with their offer to put as many slices of cheese and pattys on a burger as possible. I mean, look at this:

In'n'Out Burger - Can you count the patties?

It’s really a little bit insane. But it’s oh so damn miraculous too! I am happy to spend $200 for a meter of beef and cheese. I really am. But I haven’t yet. I am thinking about the fact that it will get cold really fast, and I honestly could handle the one in the pic, but that would make me order something bigger, like, for example, this :

Two cows, two tons of cheese. And one guy with a big mouth.

See what I mean? It’s really really crazy. Not like, ‘wow that’s great!’ crazy, but … What a waste of food! I doubt whoever ordered it will manage even a third of it. Of course, if there’s a group eating it then the only thing I can really complain about is that I wasn’t invited….

Scroll to the bottom to find out why hamburgers make me feel all warm and happy inside.

One of the better fast food burgers in the world.

Quite a meaty burger. Not enough crap inside for me, though!

Another fast food burger. Fast, big, fatty goodness!

That looks like a mustard relish on the upper bun. Nice..!

This looks like it could be the star of the post.

Ok ok, I have to pause for a moment here and just comment on how utterly AMAZING this burger looks. I see beef, cheese, ketchup, bacon, lettuce, onion, pickle… tomato.. The ideal burger combination, by the way! Bbut look at the bacon, it’s exploding out of the bun, and that is how I like it. I like my burgers to squish out the sides, rather than stack up. And this one has almost perfect proportions. Nice!

Fast food burger again, with a heavenly glisten to it.

Too much beef, perhaps? NO!

A nice stacker, not too high, not too light.. About right.

Not bad, not bad. I like the jalepenos but it's a pitty it doesn't have a real bun.

You just KNOW this is going all over your face, belly, and chest.

Hamburgers:

1. Are delicious
2. Come in many shapes and forms
3. Can contain any meat which exists in the world.
4. Can contain no meat and still be delicious.
5. Are basically just a sandwich – and sandwiches are healthy!
6. Were so popular they had a city named after them in Germany (Hamburg).
7. Have been sold more than 10,000,000,000 times across the globe as a single meal.
8. Contain only the healthy food groups.
9. Were originally invented as a meat storage device.
10. Never taste bad.

Ahh pizza. Is there anything you can’t do? Pizza can:

1. Satisfy hunger.
2. Satisfy the taste buds.
3. Cure the urge to eat pizza.
4. Carry as many flavors as you can fit on top of it.
5. Be reheated to taste even better.
6. Save starving Africans.
7. Arrive in 30 minutes.
8. Transform a gathering into a party.
9. Be delivered 24/7.
10. Save starving Indians.
11. Fuel the beings who build things like the Internet.
12. Be a generic flavor for anything at all.
13. Save starving Americans.
14. Be doubled-over to create a sandwich.
15. Be made from only three ingredients.
16. Preside over the United States and do a better job than the last guy.
17. Make me smile.
18. Help with geography.
19. Be turned into a pie.
20. Make a grown man drool.

And now, on with the pics!

Mmm Pizza. Probably God's long term goal when He decided to invent us.

That's right, I'm ready to be eaten.

Hands off - this one's for me.

Pizza, yes indeed!

I love the Italian Meat Lover's Pizza - and you?

So that’s the first five beautiful little pizzas. I really truely think that I could consume all five of them over the course of 12 hours. So now, for the other 12 hours.

This is a baby eating pizza. That's right, this monster will eat your baby.

A pizza with the lot. Survival chances in my vicinity: Zero.

Onions, olives, something else.. I would eat this only to put it out of it's misery. Yuck.

One of those fancy pizzas with nothing on it. What's the point?

Looks like it was made by a chef. A chef who cares little about taste.

So there we have it. A bunch of pizzas. Now I must eat. Enjoy!